The Port News concludes the first of our Big Issue series, which has been focusing on domestic and family violence. As always we have relied on those with intimate knowledge of the horrors many women face, but this time we're seeking something more. There is a way forward and we can achieve it by starting to speak against this prevalent problem, even if it's in a private conversation. It starts with you speaking softly, and soon the Hastings may hear a dull roar. BEN COOPER reports ...
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THE Hastings took another significant step forward last week thanks to Australia's only accredited domestic violence response training.
The two-day course for frontline workers was led by Lifeline Mid Coast's Di Bannister and involved nurses, youth workers, counsellors and students.
The Westport Club's meeting room was bursting with ideas and conversation as techniques and solutions for handling domestic and family violence were presented.
Headspace youth workers Casey Hudson and Nicole Trevillian found the course "hugely relevant" because they regularly talk with young people who have experienced domestic violence.
"It's shown us how to engage with a person who's actually just disclosed that they have experienced DV, or they've been an environment where DV has occurred or they know of someone who's experiencing it," Ms Hudson said
"It's about how to respond and make an appropriate referral from there," Ms Trevillian added.
The youth workers said a particularly enlightening part of the course was learning about the different ways domestic violence manifests.
"It can be more than sexual, physical or verbal abuse," Ms Trevillian said. "It can be psychological abuse or emotional abuse."
"It's good for us to understand more so we can actually describe (what's occurred) to the young person who has come in," Ms Hudson said.
"It means they have a better sense that they are actually going to be helped in the system."
Nursing student Mick Easton said the course had been essential for his personal and professional development.
"It's always confronting to deal with domestic violence," he said.
"I've got a huge amount out of training in things like safety planning, figuring out how to recognise the signs and then having the tools to keep people safe. I'm absolutely more confident about dealing [with abuse] now."
He said it was "just awesome" to gain knowledge from a variety of professions.
The course also emphasised the importance of defining healthy relationships for young people.
"Sometimes the line between a healthy and unhealthy relationship can get fuzzed," Ms Hudson said.
Mrs Bannister said the training was mandatory for all Lifeline counsellors.
The biggest takeaway for the course's participants should be awareness that domestic and family violence is happening in every community, she said. "And they can make a difference," she said.
"It doesn't always have to be at a professional level: knowledge can make small changes in someone's daily life."
She acknowledged the "high risk" for some sufferers in reaching out.
"So if something happens and their partner finds out they've talked about it or disclosed something, it increases the risk."
She said there are "lots of reasons" why the counselling service receives calls from women suffering abuse.
"They often come to a Lifeline crisis supporter because it's anonymous. Sometimes they ring at 2am because the partner is asleep, it's the only time they can do it and not have someone listening.
"Or sometimes it can be when the kids are at school and the partner's at work. It doesn't go on their phone bill and it's a free call."
AS awareness of domestic and family violence grows it becomes clear that only real solution is prevention.
Ask any frontline worker battling this social scourge and they will say men need to take the lead.
“We need men to bust the myths, to show other men how to respect women as equal with the same rights,” the Women’s Domestic Violence Court Advocacy Service’s Sandra Sheridan said.
“There needs to be more accredited men’s behaviour change programs, and we need to learn what works for those who attend the programs.”
The Domestic and Family Violence Specialist Centre has successfully been running such programs for years.
Service delivery manager Kylie Dowse said prevention gives “lots of opportunities for us to challenge ourselves as human beings”.
“Think about the idea of saying to your son ‘you throw like a girl’ or ‘don’t cry - you’re a man’.
“We really need to think about those messages, we need to challenge ourselves by pulling ourselves up and reconsidering what kind of message those kind of phrases actually send.”
Changing the habit of blaming victims is also essential.
“We need to start discussing why perpetrators do it and how do we stop them,” Mrs Sheridan said.
“We need the enforcement services to focus on the perpetrator’s actions and not look for excuses around upbringing, alcohol or job loss. The violence lies solely with the perpetrator.”
Carey Amor has extensive experience with training frontline workers in the United Kingdom and Australia.
"Think about the idea of saying to your son ‘you throw like a girl’ or ‘don’t cry - you’re a man’. We really need to think about those messages, we need to challenge ourselves by pulling ourselves up and reconsidering what kind of message those kind of phrases actually send. We need to start discussing why perpetrators do it and how do we stop them. We need the enforcement services to focus on the perpetrator’s actions and not look for excuses around upbringing, alcohol or job loss. The violence lies solely with the perpetrator."
- Kylie Dowse and Sandra Sheridan Women’s Domestic Violence Court Advocacy Service
Her company CADACS operates in rural and regional Australia through group or individual training online or in person.
“Our face-to-face training involves role playing and we often use actors and different scenarios to show how the various ways a victim might present,” she said. “We train in non-judgemental listening and reassurance that the abuse is not the client’s fault.”
Unfortunately the levels of training across government and private organisation vary greatly and “are often inadequate to meet the needs,” she said.
The good news is the most accessible training is possible when people start asking questions around the table.
“Prevention really does start at home,” Ms Dowse said. “It starts with mothers groups even, with people saying ‘he’s such a boy’ or ‘boys will be boys’.
“What does that even mean? Are we saying they are being creative and inspirational and physically strong: are we targeting these really positive qualities, or are we actually allowing aggressive behaviour?”
“The majority of men do not abuse women and they do not accept that kind of behaviour. But the challenge for us is to start with those conversations.
“How do you challenge your mate if he makes a sexist remark or says something that you don’t actually find funny? How do you challenge him? That’s the part of the conversation we’re yet to explore.”