Contested, unbelievable, age-old: what are the definitive backyard cricket rules?

But forget all about the Melbourne Test Match against Pakistan, where officials are hoping for a crowd of more than 70,000 on Tuesday, and instead turn their attention to the backyards of everyday Australians.

Anyone who's ever faced a 17-year-old nephew who's just made the school first XI or run out their missus, knows that this is where the real cricket is being played this summer.

Australians have been playing backyard cricket since backyards were invented. Some form of the game was probably played well before that too. Indeed, some experts believe children living in Norman times in the dense woodlands of south-east England invented the game, finding a small clearing to play in. Kind of like a medieval backyard.

One can only assume they had the same arguments about rules as today's backyard cricketers. Perhaps the Norman children had to deal with uncles drunk on mead coming off a short run. Was over the castle wall six and out? If the ball hit a passing stag was that an instant 50 runs?

While my own cricket reporting career feels like it was in the Norman times, it was only several years ago I was covering the Canberra Comets in the Mercantile Mutual Cup.

I reached out to my mate Merv Hughes (I figure if we've been dancing on the same dance floor in Ballarat then that makes us friends.) His favourite backyard cricket rule is one-hand one-bounce. Merv was pretty nimble for a big guy and I can just imagine him scrambling for the ball as it bounced awkwardly off the gutter.

Sports editor Chris Dutton, who pads away all my requests to resume said career like Shane Watson, grew up in Wagga and had a homeground rule that seems unbelievable. There was a dog door, he says, but it was around the corner and on the other side of the garden but if you hit it in there it was an instant century. He thinks his brother managed to do it once so they changed the rule.

Another colleague, Paul Woodhams, had a good take on the over the fence being six and out, instead you lost 10 runs off your total and you had to go fetch it.

Anyone who's been following Sportsbet's social media backyard cricket campaign knows the sport means a lot this time of year. From the defensive shot practice with the wrapping paper rolls, to the Christmas morning pitch inspection before presents are even opened.

I'm thinking of joining the Nan's Batting Academy. I've got a decade at least until I'm being bounced by my future grandchildren. Not in my house Kyle, I'll be seeing them like Glenn Maxwell in Mumbai. Thanks for bringing those pies for lunch.

You can't bat until you've bowled at least one over and fielded for three hours. Even if its 40C with 90 per cent humidity. RIP Dean Jones.

No video reviews. The game's been ruined by the technology. Even if someone is videoing it for socials. There is no second chance.

Unless it's that whiny nephew who gets out first ball and has a complete tantrum. You're not rewarding him just giving Uncle Darren another chance to bowl one closer to his head.

No one, not even nan, gets to be wicket keeper. Any snick is out. Electric wickie is in play the whole innings. Even if you've got one of those cool eskies with the stumps in it.

If the ball touches any part of the wheelie bin, is it out? The old metal can was a better regulation height but they're hard to come by.

Dog slobber and water from the dog's bowl is not ball tampering. Nothing comes on quicker than a damp ball of hard concrete. It's up to your family to decide whether they'll come at some duct tape on one side. And if Uncle Darren has a bottle top in his pocket who's to argue.

May your summer be full of cricket and your back yard free of bindis.