White Ribbon Coastal Walk to spread a no violence message

The survivor of numerous violent relationships will lead the way for the first time because she feels a responsibility.

"I'll walk for all the women that are unable to do it for themselves," she said yesterday. "Because a few years ago, that was me."

Sally spent most of her childhood in Port Macquarie before moving away.

She dated some men with questionable characters - including criminal pasts and physically violent tendencies - before meeting her now ex-partner.

He was different to the others.

"I thought the sun shone out of his bum," she laughed.

The couple moved back to Port Macquarie a few years ago with their children.

The relationship has since ended, though her former partner still has contact with their children so Sally chose to use a pseudonym when speaking out.

Like many women, the violence she experienced was not physical.

"He never hit me," she said.

"In some ways it would have been better if he had."

The violence took on the insidious form of consistently controlling behaviour.

"I couldn't do anything without him knowing," Sally said.

"I couldn't have a shower, I couldn't call my mum, I couldn't even have money to buy bread and milk.

"He even used to empty petrol out of the car so I couldn't go anywhere."

About two years ago the relationship ended, though not before police and an apprehended violence order were used to turf her ex-partner.

During a desperate search for housing and help, Sally was referred to the Port Macquarie Hastings Domestic and Family Violence Specialist Service.

The service's staff have helped her and her children in many ways since, including linking her with other programs like Mission Australia's Brighter Futures.

During that time, Sally has seen shifts in conversations and perceptions about domestic violence.

"It's no longer 'what has she done to deserve it?'" the survivor said.

"Now people understand it's not as simple as the guy is a bad person.

"The reality is he needs help and she needs guidance."

The guidance from services in Port Macquarie has given Sally the confidence to step forward on Sunday, and to plan how she will give back down the track.

The White Ribbon Coastal Walk starts at Lighthouse Beach on Sunday and ends on Town Green.